I think there are 2 types of doulas. The first type had a difficult or traumatic birth experience and they want to prevent anyone else from the same experience, so they become a doula to help other women from experiencing what they went through. The second type knows that women were designed by God to give birth and having the support of another woman during birth is important and that's why they become a doula.
I'm the second type. I didn't know it at the time, but looking back, the path was being forged for me in baby steps to become a doula. My four births were pretty straight forward, nothing traumatic, but they could have been better if I had known about doulas. I started my family just after graduating with my degree in social work. I wanted to work in adoption and help build families, but God first called me to help build my own. I was a stay at home mom of 2 girls when I was called to became a home schooling mom as my oldest turned 5. It wasn't until my 3rd daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia just before her 6th birthday that God started preparing me for doula work.
As a doula, you need to get comfortable with not having control. Babies come on their own schedules and you never know when you are going to get called into a birth even with "due dates." We also don't have control over how the mom or her baby are going to tolerate labor. We don't control the outcome, we just support and educate couples on what might happen.
Taking care of a child with cancer forces you to give up control as well. I never knew for sure what reactions my daughter was going to have from her chemo treatments or how long each phase was going to last. At the beginning, I was handed a huge binder of the medications she was going to be on, possible side effects, how long each phase of treatment was estimated to last and info on what "typically" happens. I think about that binder when I sit down with pregnant couples and talk to them about what "typically" happens during birth. Every women, every birth is different. The same went for my daughter and her treatment. We had a general idea of what to expect, but we were thrown many curve balls and I was forced to give up my idea of control over the situation.
Before my daughter got cancer, I was terrified of vomit. Weird and irrational, I know. (There's a childhood story involving vomit that caused trauma.) But I was forced to get comfortable with vomit, because there was a lot of it! In birth, a lot of women vomit. Do I like dealing with it? No, but no one does. Can I deal with it without freaking out? Absolutely! I never would have been able to handle this aspect of doula work if it hadn't been for my daughter.
I needed some mental support during this time and I reached out to our church's Stephen Ministry. I was paired with another woman who walked with me through this difficult time and prayed with me. Several years later, I gave back and became a Stephen Minister myself. Through that training, I honed my social work skills of active listening. I was finally able to use my degree for something and help other women going through difficulties; another brick on my path to doula work.
Having a child with cancer gets you thinking about lifestyle and what choices could have led to it. I began researching and my path to a more natural, holistic lifestyle started. We began going to a chiropractor that we formed a connection with. So much so, that when he and his wife had their first baby, I became her babysitter. My girls were older and I had been starting to work outside the home, but couldn't find something I wanted to do. With babysitting, I was drawn back to babies and another brick on the path to doula work was laid. Our chiropractor's wife gave birth at home and I thought this was amazing. I never knew that was a possibility. I began researching again. I briefly thought about becoming a midwife, but decided quickly that I was too old to go back to school (I was in my 40's). Instead, I became a midwife's assistant and learned all about what birth was meant to be as God intended.
I loved watching babies be born into their parents' hands with little to no interventions for the most part, but I wanted to be a bigger part of it. I wanted to work with the parents, not just the midwife. This is when I found doula work and everything came together.
I loved home schooling my girls and now I get to educate parents on birth and babies. I learned how important more natural lifestyle choices are and that there are always options to live better and I teach this too, when appropriate. I know how important it is to be educated, ask questions and understand the risks and benefits to procedures (I saved my daughter's life from a nurse that was going to give her the wrong medication once by asking questions). Many times, labor is a woman's first experience being in a hospital and it can be scary and overwhelming. I want my clients to know what to expect and what choices they have. I also know how important it is to have another women walk with you and support you in whatever you are facing. Lastly, I want women to know that God created us to have babies and that even though we can't control what happens, we can make it better through education, trust and support.
That is what led me to doula work, why I became a doula.
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